The Power of Play: Strengthening Positive Behavior with PRIDE Skills

When it comes to shaping behavior, attention is one of the most powerful tools parents have. Research shows that children repeat behaviors that get attention, regardless of whether that attention is positive or negative. That’s why it’s so important to intentionally give more attention to positive behaviors than to undesirable ones.

One of the best ways to ensure children receive the right balance of attention is through Child-Directed Interaction (CDI) using PRIDE skills—a structured approach to play that strengthens positive behavior while also fostering a close parent-child bond.

How Attention Shapes Behavior

Research tells us that reinforcement builds behavior, while negative consequences only decrease behavior—they don’t teach the child what to do instead.

When a child is punished for misbehavior, the behavior may decrease, but without reinforcement of a positive alternative, another undesirable behavior often takes its place. For example, a child who gets scolded for whining may stop whining—but they might start stomping their feet and slamming doors instead.

Reinforcement, on the other hand, tells a child exactly what to do to get the attention and connection they crave. When children receive positive attention for following directions, using kind words, or playing calmly, they learn to repeat those behaviors instead of experimenting with new ways to get noticed.

This is where PRIDE skills come in—helping parents intentionally reinforce the behaviors they want to see more of while balancing the times they remove attention for undesirable behaviors.

Using PRIDE Skills to Reinforce Positive Behaviors

PRIDE is an easy-to-remember acronym for five essential skills that help parents increase positive attention and reinforce good behavior:

Praise – Reward good behavior with labeled praise.

Example: “I love how gently you’re sharing your toys!”

Reflect – Repeat or rephrase your child’s words to show you’re listening.

Example: Child: “This race car is so fast!” Parent: “Yes! Your race car is super fast!”

Imitate – Copy your child’s play to show interest and approval.

Example: If your child is drawing, pick up a crayon and draw alongside them.

Describe – Narrate what your child is doing, reinforcing their choices.

Example: “You’re stacking those blocks so carefully. That takes a lot of focus!”

Enthusiasm – Show warmth and excitement to keep play engaging.

Example: Use a bright tone, smile, and engage with genuine interest.

By using these skills, parents teach their child exactly what behavior is expected and valued, reinforcing those actions so they happen more often.

Balancing Attention: The Power of “Time-In”

Many parents are familiar with time-out, a strategy that involves removing attention for misbehavior. While time-out can be effective when used correctly, it’s only effective if children are also receiving plenty of positive attention for good behavior. Otherwise, they may escalate negative behaviors just to get any kind of attention at all.

CDI functions as a structured “time-in”, where parents infuse attention into their child’s world in a positive, intentional way. This helps balance the moments when attention is withdrawn for non-desirable behavior.

By making sure your child gets more praise than negative consequences, you build a strong foundation for good behavior. This approach:

·      Encourages children to behave well because it leads to more positive interactions

·      Reduces attention-seeking misbehavior

·      Creates a secure, positive relationship between parent and child

In fact, research shows that for every correction or negative consequence, children should receive at least five positive interactions to maintain a strong relationship and reinforce appropriate behavior. CDI makes it easy to meet and exceed that ratio.

Try It at Home: The Special Time Challenge

This week, set aside 5–10 minutes of child-led playtime each day. Let your child pick the activity (as long as it’s safe and noncompetitive), follow their lead, and focus on using PRIDE skills. You might be surprised at how quickly your child responds to the extra attention, and how much easier it becomes to guide their behavior in everyday situations! Over time, these small, intentional moments of connection lay the foundation for a stronger, more cooperative relationship—one built on trust, encouragement, and positive reinforcement.